I don’t know what I am going to blog about.
I usually like to plan these things in advance. I try to be interesting for you all. I really do.
Today though, everything is uncertain. My life, my job. I’m twenty-seven years old, and I don’t know for sure where I’m going to be in a month.
I envy the people in my life who don’t plan. I envy the people who can pick up and move across the country, without a job in line, without an idea of where they are going.
I like to know what’s coming next. I like stability and continuity. I’m not saying that every day has to be exactly the same, because how boring would that be? But I have a routine, and I like it.
When it goes away, when it gets taken from me, I feel like the rug is pulled out from under my feet. Where was the warning? Where is that stability I was promised?
The routine gives me control. I’ve been searching and searching for jobs and boyfriends and friends and apartments and all sorts of things for years now. Routine gives me power. It’s something that I can change, that I can do, that I can accomplish.
And now it’s all fraying away. And I am sick and I am lost, and I don’t know what to do.
Everyone keeps telling me that I need to just worry about enjoying the holidays, and I am going to try. But with this hanging over me? How can I think about anything else?
Sorry all. Can’t blog today. Seeing Star Wars. 😀
Leave me a comment! What did YOU think?
Something I don’t think I’ve talked about on here at all (which is crazy, since I’m a little nutty about it) is my love of all things theater.
It stemmed from when I was a kid, when I used to dance and perform in my school plays. And heck, when I used to put on plays for my friends and family on my front porch. I was never very good… I was okay, but I LOVED it. (In a way, I think my writing comes from that. I’m not telling stories on the stage, but rather on the page… Okay, I didn’t mean to make that rhyme.)
Since high school, I’ve become kind of a theater watcher. Which is good. I’ve seen over 60 shows on Broadway. I listen to lots and LOTS of showtunes. And I watch every musical I can get my hand on. In fact, my current novel is about some (made-up) Broadway actors. And it’s been a lot of fun letting myself live in that world.
There’s something about the theater that transports you. For two hours, you’re in a different world. You’re moved by words and music. You forget the outside for a while. You see magic (sometimes literally) on the stage. And it’s stories. Beautiful stories, all wrapped up in a neat package. A beginning, middle, and end. Satisfying or not. Told by someone gifted, who becomes the character on stage. Can you tell it’s one of my favorite things?
I don’t live in New York, though I try to get down there as much as I can. So I love it when shows are filmed and put on DVD. Or TV (wasn’t The Wiz fantastic? And I’m no fan of that show.) Or the Web. Tonight, I am watching the “first-ever” live theater livestream. And it’s great. So far, Daddy Long Legs is a beautiful musical. I hope there are more of these in the future.
Wow, I’ve been doing a terrible job at keeping up with this blog, haven’t I?
It’s been kind of a crazy week. Hanging out with friends, catching up on work, taking a look at my NaNoWriMo goodies, watching The Wiz Live! (how great was that??), reading my to-read list. This is the first moment I have had to sit down in what feels like forever. I can breathe again!
Of course, it is now 8:30 on a Friday night. I’ve just finished doing dishes and now I’m watching Parks and Rec… again.
Ah, the glamorous life I lead.
I have a lot in mind about what I want to blog about: my new novel, Broadway, books, my amazing friends. But tonight? Tonight I think I’ll relax. Maybe I’ll write a little, maybe I’ll make a little hot chocolate, maybe I’ll just go to bed early. I’ve earned it. You’ve all earned it.
What do you like to do on a night in?